A HIKER on Washington’s Blewett Pass shot himself in the backside when he put a handgun in his back pocket.
The Chelan County sheriff’s office said the 52-year-old Snohomish man had moved his .40-calibre handgun from its holster to his back pocket on Saturday to see if that position would be more comfortable.
I bet he was glad that he did not use his front pocket?
Proofreading is a dying art, wouldn’t you say?
Here some samples:
Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter
This one I caught in the SGV Tribune the other day and called the Editorial Room and asked who wrote this. It took two or three readings before the editor realized that what he was reading was impossible!!! They put in a correction the next day.
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I just couldn’t help but send this along. Too funny.
Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
No crap, really? Ya think?
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Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
Now that’s taking things a bit far!
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Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
What a guy!
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Miners Refuse to Work after Death
No-good-for-nothing’ lazy so-and-so’s!
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Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
See if that works any better than a fair trial!
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War Dims Hope for Peace
I can see where it might have that effect!
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If Strike Isn’t Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
Ya think?!
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Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
Who would have thought!
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Enfield ( London ) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
They may be on to something!
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Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
You mean there’s something stronger than duct tape?
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Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge
He probably IS the battery charge!
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New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
Weren’t they fat enough?!
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Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
That’s what he gets for eating those beans!
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Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
Do they taste like chicken?
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Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
Chainsaw Massacre all over again!
Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
Boy, are they tall!
And the winner is….
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
Did I read that right? Must be like the plane crash in the Polish cemetery where they recovered 150 bodies from the 2 passenger airplane.
EVER WONDER
Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
Why women can’t put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Why don’t you ever see the headline “Psychic Wins Lottery”?
Why is “abbreviated” such a long word?
Why is it that doctors call what they do “practice”?
Why is it that to stop Windows 98, you have to click on “Start”?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Why isn’t there mouse-flavored cat food?
When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?
Why didn’t Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don’t they make the whole plane out of that stuff?
Why don’t sheep shrink when it rains?
Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
Stumpy Grinder and his wife Martha were from Portland, Maine. Every year they went to the Portland Fair and every year Stumpy said, “Ya know, Mahtha, I’d like ta get a ride in that theah aihplane.” And every year, Martha would say “I know, Stumpy, but that aihplane ride costs ten dollahs .. and ten dollahs is ten dollahs.”
So one year Stumpy says, “By Jeebers, Mahtha, I’m 71 yeahs old, and if I don’t go this time I may nevah go.” Martha replies, “Stumpy, that there aihplane ride is ten dollahs … and ten dollahs is ten dollahs.”
So the pilot overhears then and says, “Folks, I’ll make you a deal. I’ll take you both up for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say ONE WORD, then I won’t charge you. But just ONE WORD and it’s ten dollars.”
They agree and up they go… the pilot does all kinds of twists and turns, rolls and dives, but not a word is heard. He does it one more time, and there is still no word… so he lands.
He turns to Stumpy as they come to a stop and says, “By golly, I did everything I could think of to get you to holler out, but you didn’t.”
And Stumpy replies “Well, I was gonna say something when Mahtha fell out … but ten dollahs is ten dollahs.”
A man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train. After the initial embarrassment, they both manage to get to sleep; the woman on the top bunk, the man on the lower.
In the middle of the night the woman leans over and says, “I’m sorry to bother you, but I’m awfully cold and I was wondering if you could possibly pass me another blanket.”
The man leans out and with a glint in his eye said “I’ve got a better idea … let’s pretend we’re married.”
“Why not,” giggles the woman.
“Good,” he replies. “Get your own blanket.”
Beaus’s Wife Marilyn always wanted a riding lawn mower.
She works all day and was always tired when she came home from work and thought that a riding lawn mower would help her get the yard work done quicker so she would have more time for the chores inside the house.
SO, being the handy sort of guy that I am, I made her a riding lawn mower.
I guess I thought she would squeal with delight or something and give me a big hug.
Notice I even put a head light on it.
To this day I have never been able to understand
Why some women are so hard to please .
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The same applies to Australia, so better tell your friends about it!
I cross ocean, poor and broke.
Take bus, see employment folk.
Nice man treat me good in there.
Say I need to see welfare.
Welfare say, ‘You come no more, we send cash right to your door. ”
Welfare checks – they make you wealthy! Medicare – it keep you healthy!
By and by, I get plenty money.
Thanks to you, you Canadian dummy!
Write to friends in motherland.
Tell them ‘come fast as you can. ”
They come in turbans and Toyota trucks,
And buy big house with welfare bucks!
They come here, we live together.
More welfare checks, it gets better!
Fourteen families, they moving in,
But neighbor’s patience wearing thin.
Finally, Canadian guy moves away.
Now I buy his house, then I say,
‘Find more immigrants for house to rent. ”
And in the yard I put a tent.
Everything is very good,
And soon we own the neighborhood.
We have hobby, it’s called breeding. Welfare pay for baby feeding.
Kids need dentist? Wives need pills? We get free! We got no bills!
Canadian crazy! They work all year, to keep the welfare running here.
We think Canada darn good place.
Too darn good for Canadian race!
If they no like us, they can scram.
Got lots of room in Afghanistan !
½ onion finely diced
1 rasher bacon finely chopped
Tomato ketchup
Salt, pepper, paprika powder, garlic, sugar
Fry onion until golden, add the bacon and fry until all dark brown.
Add the garlic and after a minute add 2 teaspoon of sugar, let caramelise
Add water and let boil until onion/bacon almost dissolve
Thicken to taste with corn flour dissolved in water.
For two people you need:
500 gram good mince (best is pork)
Salt, Pepper, Paprika powder, garlic, Ketchup, fine chopped onion.
2 rashes of bacon
2 hard boiled eggs, cut in halves
About 200 gram tasty cheese, sliced
1 egg
Preheat oven to 180C
Mix the mince with all the spice, the raw egg to a smooth dough.
Grease a rectangular cake dish
Place half the mince into the dish
Arrange the bacon and half the cheese over it
Cover with remaining mince
Cook until golden brown and skewer returns dry.
Place the eggs on top, cover with remaining cheese and cook until cheese melts and turns golden brown.
Slice and serve hot with gravy
Goes well with cauliflower and boiled potatoes
For two people you need
1.5 to 2 cups cauliflower cut into the size of chicken eggs
Hollandaise sauce (packet will do in this case, but add a know of butter)
Boil in salted water until soft and remove to serving dish
Prepare the sauce pour over the cauliflower and serve
